I was scrolling through a few manager forums the other night. The ones where people actually talk about what being a middle manager feels like, without the Linkedin or corporate filter. The common thread I noticed was exhaustion. And not from the strategic decisions or the big presentations. It’s the invisible stuff. The constant weight of dealing with everyone else's issues.
It made me remember my own surprise when I was a newly promoted manager. From the business standpoint, everything was going great. I'd managed to hire two key team members, which made operations easier, and we were meeting our goals. I was also getting good feedback from our stakeholders and leadership.
But I also felt like I had aged three years in the first six months. I’ll admit, I did work longer hours to prove that I was the right choice for the job, and to hit our numbers, but that was not the reason. It was the constant effort of handling other people's anxieties, insecurities, and unarticulated expectations.
This is the part of the job that is not mentioned in the job description.
The Emotional Tax
When you're an individual contributor, your biggest battles are often external. A tough deadline, a tricky technical problem, a demanding client. You fix it, you move on. Your emotional energy is largely your own.
As a manager, that changes, and quite a lot. Your job isn't just about your output anymore. It's about enabling everyone else. And a huge chunk of that enablement is emotional.
You’re the ear for the team member who just got bad news at home. You're the buffer between upper management's unrealistic demands and your team's burnout threshold. You're mediating disagreements, calming anxieties, and absorbing frustrations that aren't even yours.
This is the part of the job that's not in any job description, and it's exhausting because it's never done.
The Right Amount of Buffer
Most of us start out thinking a manager's job is to solve every problem. We think we need to be a human sponge, soaking up every frustration, worry, and insecurity from our team. We feel like we have to perfectly smooth every wrinkle.
But that’s a direct path to complete exhaustion.
Your role as a manager isn't to solve every emotional crisis or perfectly buffer every difficult moment. It's to provide just enough stability, direction, and empathy so your team can focus on their actual work. Anything more than that, and you'll burn out. Anything less, and your team will.
A good leader understands that people perform best when their foundational needs for safety, understanding, and a reasonable challenge are met. And sometimes, providing that means absorbing a bit of their chaos.
But only a bit.
Managing the Invisible Workload
So how do you manage this invisible workload without it consuming you? The answer isn’t in a single trick, but in a series of small but critical mindset shifts.
From Denial to Acknowledgment
The first step is to stop pretending this emotional labor isn’t real. It's a legitimate part of your job, and it uses up your energy just like any other task. Giving it a name helps you see it for what it is (the emotional tax, the invisible workload).
From Fixing to Empowering
This is the hardest shift. Your instinct will be to take every problem on as your own personal mission. Instead, your job is to listen, validate, and then empower your team to solve what they can. Resist the urge to say, "Don't worry, I'll fix it." Instead, ask, "What's one small step you could take to address this?"
From 100% to the 70% Rule
You don't need to give 100% of your emotional energy to every situation. Sometimes, showing up 70% and listening attentively, offering a brief word of encouragement, pointing to resources will be good enough. The expectation that you must perfectly solve everyone's emotional baggage is what leads to a complete shutdown.
From Internalizing to Debriefing
Just like an individual contributor needs a break after a big project, you need to debrief this invisible workload. The work doesn't end when the call does. The emotional weight accumulates. Find your own outlet. It could be a peer group, a mentor, or a quiet block of time to process. Don’t let the emotional weight accumulate in you.
The Bottom Line
For me, implementing these shifts helped me understand what I could genuinely influence and what I needed to let my team own. I also continue to book 30 minutes every Friday just to process and review that week’s emotional touchpoints, and let them go.
I’m pretty sure this hasn’t made me a cold, unfeeling robot, but rather a sustainable leader. At least, I’ve been sustaining thus far.
This unseen work often dictates your energy levels more than your calendar. It’s what separates the managers who thrive from those who dread Monday mornings. Understanding it, acknowledging it, and strategically buffering it is the only way to make the leadership role sustainable.
Because if you don't manage the invisible workload, it will manage you.
That's all for today.
See you next Tuesday.
P.S. If you’re interested in older posts, you can check them out right here: Good Enough Newsletter