When you get promoted from specialist to manager, the math of your work life also changes.
There are 168 hours in a week. Take out 8 hours of sleep per night, and you’ve got 112 waking hours. You spend at least 40 of those at work. That’s more than a third of your time spent with people you didn't actually choose to hang out with. It’s natural that some of them became friends. It’s also natural that the second you get promoted, that friendship starts to feel awkward in a way you can’t ignore.
When I was promoted from specialist to manager, one obvious question I had at the time was: how do I stop my work friends from resenting me?
There are no magic words that keep you “just one of them” once the role changes. From that point on, everything you say is heard differently.
Why This Is Harder Than It Looks
If you were hired into a new company, you could pretend to be a competent adult with no baggage.
But the most common case for first-time managers is being promoted from within the team. And that’s where most obvious struggles occur.
Why? They’ve probably seen you hungover. They know you use the "my internet is down" excuse when you just didn’t feel like working. But suddenly, you’re the one checking their performance. That changes the dynamic fast.
You might say things like, “Nothing is going to change! I’m still the same person who hates the Monday morning meeting.” Or you try to overcompensate by being extra chill, which just makes everyone suspicious. It makes people uncomfortable rather than relaxed.
Similarly, a lot of old-school advice says things like: “Assert your dominance early. Show them who’s in charge so they don’t walk over you.”
But as a former peer, when you see someone lean into "The big boss" persona overnight, you don’t think: Wow, what a leader. You think: Yeah... what a prick.
Read the Room
So, my main advice is: Don't pretend this situation isn't awkward. It will be awkward for you. And it will be awkward for them, too.
Also consider how your former peers are likely to react to the news that you’re now their manager. Some will be happy for you. Others? Maybe jealous. Or confused about why you got picked. Maybe someone else applied from the team for the position. You should absolutely feel proud of yourself. Just be mindful of how you carry yourself and what you say and how you say it.
You might not have the management experience, but there is something else that you can use to your advantage: Insider knowledge. You know where the friction is. You know which processes are actually stupid and which ones are just annoying. So, use that. Instead of trying to be "The Boss," be the person who finally fixes the things that made your peers' lives miserable last week.
How to Reset the Relationship
If I had to do it again, this is what I’d do to handle the “I’m the manager now” tension:
First: I would talk to the team as a group and acknowledge the change. I would start with "This is awkward for me, and it's probably awkward for you…" That does more for trust than pretending you’re comfortable.
Second: I would follow up privately with 1:1s, and I would focus on these three main questions:
What do you actually want from me as a manager?
How do you like to be managed?
What did our old boss do that drove you insane?
Third: And this is the hard part. You can't have "work besties" anymore. If the team senses bias, you’ve lost. Fairness doesn’t mean treating everyone equally. It means respect is earned the same way by everyone.
Fourth: People support what they help create. Say, “What would you change if you could?” Give them ownership. Make them feel like they got promoted with you, not under you. This matters even more with senior people on the team.
The Bottom Line
Moving from peer to manager is a big shift, and yeah, some of those old friendships will change. A few may fade.
But if you lead with honesty and clarity, the ones that remain can turn into something better - a working partnership built on trust and shared wins.
Your promotion isn’t about your new title. It’s about how many of your former peers you can take forward with you.
The first meeting will still feel awkward. That’s normal.
See you next week.