For my first few years as a manager I spent more time than I'd like to admit venting to my peers. The whole conversation revolved around the same things. If only the executive team would settle on a strategy, or if HR would just give us the right performance review system, my team could finally be what it was supposed to be.
Why won't they give us clear values? Why did they approve that stupid policy? Why are they always changing the targets?
My entire managerial identity was built around the gap between what I knew my team needed and the obstacles they put in the way.
In my mind I was the good manager trying to save my team from a bad company. I had successfully externalized all the failure, which felt safe, but it also meant I had externalized all the control. I was waiting for someone else's decision to fix the problems happening right outside my office door.
The truth I had to finally accept was that I wasn't just working in a broken culture. I was actively maintaining the broken microclimate of my own team.
Waiting for permission to lead
It’s a dangerous trap for middle managers. The belief that culture is a top-down phenomenon - a memo, a value statement, or an HR initiative. You assume you're operating within someone else's environment, so you spend all your energy on external expectations.
If only the VP would say this. If only the budget was approved. If only "they" would train people better.
This waiting is more of a coping mechanism. It’s how you feel safe while things are messed up, because the mess isn't your fault. It’s their fault.
But blaming "them" does only one thing really well - it makes you powerless. It forces you to wait for permission to do the job you already have. You avoid being a leader and become a coordinator of external disappointments.
You are the microclimate
It took me a while to understand that for my direct reports, I am the culture.
The company’s values live on a poster in the break room. Your culture lives in between you and your closest team member. It is the microclimate you create, regardless of the atmosphere set by the executives.
Your team doesn't operate by the CEO’s standards. They operate by the lowest acceptable standard you have personally modeled or tolerated.
In other words culture is the sum of your daily non-negotiables:
If you tolerate late work, the culture is "deadlines are suggestions."
If you jump in and fix every mistake, the culture is "don't own it, just hand it off."
If you communicate only through abrupt, reactive messages, the culture is "low trust and defensive."
Your mandate as leader is simple - you are the single most important factor for morale, quality, and output. You don't need permission to enforce a better norm. You just need to stop tolerating the old ones.
Building your new norm
So, the good news is - you already have the power.
The most practical thing you can do is stop looking outward (up the chain) for solutions and start enforcing standards in your own space. The work of leadership is making the first move.
Here are a few moves I suggest you to try the next time you catch yourself blaming “them”:
1. Avoid blame language (even internally)
When there is a problem, get rid of the phrases like, "They should have…" or "If only they…"
Instead, ask yourself a better question: "What norm did I tolerate that led to this?" This type of mindset will pull the responsibility and control back to you.
Example:
Situation: A project deadline is missed because an upstream team delayed delivery of a core component.
Blame language to avoid: "They should have finalized the design three days ago. Now we look incompetent."
Ownership Language: "What norm did I tolerate that led to this?" (Answer: I accepted a dependency without building in a two-day buffer, and I didn't hold a check-in when the deadline was first missed.)
2. Define and enforce one non-negotiable
Culture is behavior, not belief. Pick one standard that matters most to your team right now
Example:
If you schedule a meeting, the agenda must be included at least one hour beforehand, otherwise the meeting is canceled, or no team-wide chat messages after 6 PM.
Communicate it clearly, so the team knows this is a firm boundary. Then, enforce it. The first time you push back on a late agenda, or the first time you ignore a non-critical late chat, you establish the new culture. You prove that your standard is real.
3. Model the change instead of just demanding it
If you want proactive communication, you need to proactively communicate your own thinking, setbacks, and decisions first. You cannot ask your team to be vulnerable, honest, or proactive if you are just giving them orders and guarding your own process. Lead with the behavior you want to see.
4. Stop solving their problems
When a team member brings you a problem and asks, "What should I do?" resist the urge to answer immediately. Instead of giving a solution, shift the responsibility back to where it belongs. Ask: "If you had to solve this without me, what would you try first?" This forces ownership and signals that they are competent to solve problems on their own.
When you acknowledge that your environment is a direct reflection of the standards you accept, you stop waiting for corporate permission to lead. The change you need isn't coming from the top. It's only coming from your daily choices.
What acceptable mess are you going to stop tolerating this week?
See you next Tuesday.