“The axe forgets, the tree remembers.” - African Proverb
When I was a teenager, I played basketball. I still remember how two different coaches reacted when you made a stupid mistake.
One yelled: “Are you stupid?”
The other said: “That was stupid.”
Same frustration, but completely different message.
It’s something I’ve thought about more and more throughout my leadership career.
In general, a compliment is a nice bonus, but it fades quickly. An insult, especially a public one, is perceived as a threat to our status within the tribe.
This is why most of us can still remember a sentence someone said to us years ago.
Yet I see so many people being incredibly careless with how they deliver their messages. Their excuse is hidden behind the mask of “radical honesty” or “just being blunt.”
But most of the time, it has nothing to do with being honest. They are just being lazy with their communication.
They prioritize their own need to vent over the impact their words have on the listener.
I’ve always distrusted the self-proclaimed “no filter” personality type. A lot of them confuse impulsiveness with honesty.
I’ve never wanted to deliver a critique unless I’ve put real thought into how it will be received. If you deliver the truth with a blade, people only see the blood, not the message.
I think this is a good general rule:
Never deliver a hard truth without first considering the long-term memory of the person hearing it.
We all have that colleague or family member who leaves a trail of bruised egos behind them. That’s the person I never want to become or be around.
Blunt people often think they’re being helpful. They rarely notice the damage they leave behind.
The wound heals. The scar stays.
See you next week.
- - Good Enough