Stop Giving Feedback. Start Giving Mirrors.

Feedback is supposed to help people grow.

But a lot of what gets shared isn’t feedback. It’s vague, delayed, or just someone venting in a polite tone.

“You need to be more strategic.”
“You weren’t assertive enough in the meeting.”
“You could’ve handled that better.”

Cool. What does any of that actually mean?

The mirror rule

People don’t grow from critique. They grow from clarity.

Try this instead: act like a mirror. Reflect back what actually happened - not just your feelings about it.

• “In the meeting, you spoke after the VP finished. She looked confused and asked you to clarify twice.”

• “When deadlines moved, you told the team at the last minute. That led to two missed deliverables.”

• “You ran a great session. People stayed after to keep talking. That’s a sign of real engagement.”

See the difference? No judgment. Just facts.

Then let them make sense of it.

Why this works

People don’t shut down when they’re seen clearly. They shut down when they feel judged vaguely.

Mirrors are honest. Feedback is often… fuzzy.

Give your team something they can work with. Let them see what you see.

You don’t need to fix them. You need to reflect them. That’s leadership.